Economist fables

2011-05-28T18:46:00.000+01:00

I can only say these things to you when you're sleeping
I hear the hum from the wires and the sounds of the morning creep in
I lie awake and pretend you can hear me

And you tell me that you're scared that you're turning into your mother
I feel myself turning into my father
So we lie to eachother like they do and say we're so happy
It's easy when you're young and you still want it so badly

I turn over again and I feel my heart beating faster
I stare out the window and I think I might scream

And I could tell you that you're all I ever wanted, dear
I can utter every word you ever hoped to hear
I shudder when I think I might not be here forever, forever, forever

The time we were alone together at the station
You were so quiet like a child and you told me you want to be taken
Just never thought of you as the kind of girl that would do that
And you suddenly seem like some faceless thing in my grasp

And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find it exciting
Your eyes all wet, your face so warm and inviting

And I could tell you that you're all I've ever wanted, dear
I can utter every word you've ever hoped to hear
I shudder when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever

I can tell you that I'm always gonna love you like the virgin bride you were that night
But I'd be lying
Love is defying

All I can think is that it must be a kind of rebellion
To own these fears like soldiers and slay them

I could tell you that you're all I've ever wanted, dear
Through the day while you're breathing, while you're sleeping here
And you wake and you ask me if I'm gonna be here forever, forever, forever

Your face so twisted and your eyes alight
I want to tell you I could save you when you cry at night
But I'll be trying
Love is defying
Won't you stop crying?

2011-04-06T21:46:00.000+01:00

We're so fucked, aren't we?

Not to know

2011-03-20T21:01:00.003Z

For sure, one of the best decisions i've ever made!!

I've always been told ignorance is bless, what i didn't know is that it is still so even if it's just an act.
I've been told the great feeling turns out to be just good. But short term wise, it's pretty amazing!!

The next perfect dinner YeT!!

2011-03-13T18:18:00.002Z

Isn't just great when you're able to have dinner with twenty people and you manage only to talk with those who really matter??
Well, i loved iT!!

Under Pressure

2011-03-06T05:05:00.000Z

I'm feeling the pressure of setting the bar too high.

It's this weird sense of false responsibility, of constant need to work, of constant need to feel productive. It's this need to restrain myself.

From living.

Time is going by too fast, and between work and school, and between everything that's coming in the way, I'm loosing grip of us.

Extreme measures are on the way because I can't let that happen. Not now. Not you.

Color Boxes - Part 3

2011-03-06T04:21:00.000Z

I'm sure you've heard of something called sinestesia. It's this thing you have where you mix all your senses, you hear colors, see tastes and somethings like that.
I always felt a little bit of this, if you can call it that. For me, Thurdays are yellow. And I don't know why...
What I came to realise is that, quite often, there's a color that I associate with other things.

All this to say that you're blue. That Bleu de France, soft blue of the shirt you wore the night I met you.

memory : unfinished sentence

2011-02-13T23:41:00.004Z

I stood my boys up. Guilty has charged.
Never not caring, they showed up at my door. iT was a typical us.
I start to explain why i hadn't met them "i'm going ho.."

hard

2011-02-13T23:35:00.002Z

someone told me it was hard. Still, we have to learn to let somethings go.
She wasn't wrong, but even harder is to know when NOT to let those things go.

another one

2011-02-11T23:07:00.001Z

In two days, the world won't stop turning just because another chapter of this book is going to start. It should, but it won't.

This chapter, the forth, is about so much thing. i'm scared.

The one thing i want the most is, at the end of it, to be able to say "i want the next one to be as good as i made this one." I most certainly won't but still.

2010-12-28T21:15:00.001Z

i can't stop Laughing Out Loud!!

Dialogue

2010-12-23T02:18:00.000Z

Life says choices
I say they're my own and only I can be judged from them. Many will be bad ones. Some will bring joy.

Life says money
I say always gonna be enough for what is needed, maybe not for what is wanted and wished, but always for what is needed. And I rather struggle through the paycheck than letting it define my life.
Life says trouble, worries, bad things, bad luck, heavy rain and thunderstorms
I say bring it, make it hard, make it learnable from, make it self defining and character building, show me what you've got in store for me

Life says death
I shake to the core and fall upon my knees... It hits hard. For a big while. Yet there's no unbounded fall, there's allways gonna be something to hold on to. And then

Life says love
And she shows up. Out of nowhere. So amazing, so undoubtedly beautiful that makes it all... different.

Worries

2010-12-23T01:24:00.000Z

If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?

2010-10-23T18:20:00.000+01:00

Timberland

What do you think he might say?

2010-10-13T02:12:00.001+01:00

"…A Bright future ahead!" said he.

"You all have a chance to either go throw the big door at the end, or just quit now and find yourselves watching from the outside" he continued.

"There's no secret to what we do here, it's all basic, it's all easy, this is a simple function with a single variable, you, and now you chose which derivative do you wish… I can't do it for you, that's your job." He stated

"The difference between winning or losing isn't that big as long you reach the end" he emphasized

"Make no mistake! You're not here to be treated as babies, that's next door…" he reminded

"The world is a scary place, be it day or night, but you'll know that" he remembered

"If you stand one foot away from a big fall, just remember to take a step in the right direction, doesn't matter now which" he advised

"Love is not answer to any problem I've faced, but it may be a part of the solution" he thought

"You may take from the rich to give to the poor, as long as the rich can do the same to you" he taught

"If you see something beautiful, grab it until beauty wears off, a remember how it was before" he ended

The mirror

2010-10-11T01:24:00.002+01:00

No man can by himself see his back, so no man can see himself as whole. You'll always need someone to support you, no matter who they are or what they are. They may be friends, family, lovers, enemies… no matter what you'll never be alone as long someone is watching, you on the outside, as you work your way inside your mind, soul or heart to grow, be and become what you wish, want, hate and/or love.

Remember this, forget it, and bring yourself to conclude it after many years have had passed by you, otherwise you haven't learned, or experienced life and all its treats.

2010-10-09T22:44:00.002+01:00

Turing Machine is something you get to study in Computer Theory!!

But i thought really interesting this video 'cause it was mentioned by my teacher..for us to get a first approach with the matter... Enjoy!

Invictus

2010-10-06T02:07:00.000+01:00

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

To a new life

2010-10-04T02:46:00.000+01:00

I've decided after all not to kill the economist fables blog instead, i'm respecting DeWinter's and Jack's Wishes and i'm leaving it all to them from now on.
Tata! see ya later
JskofL

death

2010-09-30T00:06:00.001+01:00

I must say that once more I'm far away from my best. We're breaking now the last days of September and I feel already the winter solstice over me. And still after 20 years of summer and winter moods I can't say, why this happens, or how I change this morphosis. I know although what I do, thanks to use of empirical learning.

I did not go to classes today, in repetition of what happened Tuesday, and I know all its consequences; I know that I'll be behind everyone, I know I won't be able to adapt, I know that the chances of failing increase drastically with every class that I miss, but what else was I suppose to do? I awoke today, with a tremendous pain in my body, but it was not physical, if anything like it, it was prefixed by meta-, and the only thing that calmed it down was the idea of not appearing in front of my pears today, as I did the day before.

And why should I go? I'm lost, alone and surrounded by people I don't want to meet, greet or even know that they have existence. I want to go to class and memorize enough to not fail. Yet my teachers feel that the schedule they've been assigned doesn't fulfill their needs, whatever they may be, and so they feel that they should not be present at the assigned time. It's all so frustrating.

As I think of it, I must correct, it isn't really frustration, because frustration is a feeling one has when one wants to do something, but by somewhat unknown means can't. I on the other hand don't really feel like doing anything, so I must not be feeling that, rather something else, similar to frustration, yet different.

Different, marvelous word used to define something that isn't the same as something else. I know what to do normally in these situations, but this isn't a normal situation, this is a different one. Normally what I would do is to sit down in front of my pc, write something, ear some sad song, compare myself to others, have a chat with my friends, and hope that tomorrow to be a better day. What is different this time is a quite boring thing, and also a bit of a sinful thing, this time I envy my friends.

I envy them because unlike me they are not alone, Jack as meet and continues to do so at a regular base his perfect match (for the time being), and deWinter can drink a lot of alcohol beverages before passing out, which easies the pain and is a free pass to some monosyllable groups. The problem with envy is that to get rid of it, I must have a fight, argumentation or something of that sort no matter how meaningless, and one I shall have.

I take now the chance to announce that in 72 hours I'm going to close this blog, for good, thank you for reading, if you are any other person than me.

All my bags are packed.

2010-09-09T19:42:00.000+01:00

I'm leaving… on a jet plane, possibly I'll be back again, but I really don't know…

I'm sorry for letting you go,

OH! Hell I'll miss you so.

Thanks for all that you've done, Thanks for all that you've become

Now I'll be on my way.

Paris… here I come

Ending all, for new beginnings.

Au revoir, see you soon

2010-08-30T17:26:00.001+01:00

http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/#Lisboa,+Portugal

Back to work or not?

2010-08-30T05:23:00.001+01:00

I’m not a lost case

2010-08-27T04:27:00.003+01:00

Let me say before you read this, that is a tribute to Dewinter, and her confection of what she really thinks of me. To you DeWinter… Thanks for your honesty!

(John entered the Office, all in brownish colors with big book shelves filled with so many little files it was impossible to read them all in just a life time, and a big dark brown desk in front of a big window, on that desk there was a name tag and in it, it reads "Agent Eros")

Eros: SO! (Says a little man coming up from behind the desk) What brings you here?

John: I received a call, about my case…

Eros: All of you do. Tell me your full name and your case code, if you please.

John: My name is John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt… (Waits for the agent stops typing his name into the computer) and by case code is "L0V3-9U35T".

Eros: Huh hum… John Scar… (Searching for the file in the data base) Kramer of Lioncourt. Here it is! So let's see why you were called here, shall we? Hum hum… Oh dear! (Says Eros with worry all over his face)

John: What?! Is there something wrong? What is it?

Eros: I'm so sorry Mr. Lioncourt but it seems that this is a lost case…

John: a lost case?...

Eros: Yes, a lost case…

John: I don't understand… I… I am not that bad looking… and I'm only as depressive as everyone else and there are pills for that, I'm also not that bad in bed, and there's pills for that too, so… Why am I a lost case? I don't get it…

Eros: No that's not it Mr. Lioncourt, sorry I made a mistake…

John: Ah! (says relived) So I'm not a lost case, after all?

Eros: No, but… (is interrupted before continuing)

John: I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! (shouts!) You're just joking with me…

Eros: Mr. Lioncourt! Would you be so kind to SHUT UP and let me explain? (Irritated with all the shouting)

John: ok (says intimidated by the agents face)

Eros: What I meant to say earlier Mr. Lioncourt, is that You're not a lost case, in fact we don't know what you are… because we lost your case file, it's really unfortunate of you I think this is the first in the last sixty years or so…

John: You lost my case? That's not bad, right? You do have backups, don't you?

Eros: Backups? Backups?! Please Mr. Lioncourt, don't make me laugh.

John: So you don't have backups? ...

Eros: No we don't, there's over 6 thousand million people in the world, There's no space for backups

John: So no back up, what do I do now? Do I fill another case file?

Eros: Another file? No, no, no, you can't have another file, everyone only gets one and that's it.

John: So why am I here? You will search for the file, no doubt. So why call me here?

Eros: Search? Who do you think we are? Some bookworms of some sort?! Search! What a foolish idea. No Mr. Lioncourt, we're not going to search for your file and as for the reason of summoning it is so you fill in a D34T# form, so that we can declare this as a closed case.

John: What's a D34T# file?

Eros: It's just a form where you state that you fully abdicate of the rightful to spend the remaining of your life stream, and leave a recommendation to friends a family, if wish to do so.

John: What? Like a suicide note?

Eros: So you've heard of them…

Summer it’s coming to its end and I leave the typing to a chimp.

2010-08-26T04:59:00.004+01:00

The summer is at its end and I feel it. I like a cold shiver up my spine…

I don't know when it is the official date for declaring that we're not going through summer anymore, but I just feel it, and it's closing in very very fast. And also I feel very odd, I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like… uh … singing… (wait this isn't the odd part yet)… S.O.S by ABBA, and I don't have a freaking clue why, do you know? If you do please comment now.

Classes are about to start and with them a whole freaking lot shenanigans that you never worry about when it is summer. OH! For God's sake what shall I do?

"Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find…" Where I go again singing that stupid song S.O.S.! S!O!S! Save my soul, save your soul, save our souls!…

What Am I doing? Singing a girlish song and it's not even to a girl, I singing it all alone in my bedroom… This is so gay. Real men don't do this, real men don't even remember the freaking song's lyrics, because of the so many times they've banged their head to the wall thinking about stuff, and women and more stuff, and boobs and stuff again. I know what I'm going to do…

(the writer steps away from the computer, steps to the nearest wall and bangs his head onto it… pum… pum …CRASK [and if you're wondering whose writing this, let's just say it's multi-personality to its best] the writer returns bleeding from his forehead, sits down and writes…)

I… I…? I was just there and now I'm here get aloud of me, I'm ama… (writer passes out without actually writing anything, that bit before? He just dictated it… well he just mumbled it in a way that it seemed he said that but the computer has no clue so just wrote that)

(Five days later)

"I can still recall our last summer/I still see it all / Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain / Our last summer /Memories that… remain?" Now this! Our last Summer? Gimme gimme gimme a m… Break? CHRIST? More ABBA? I must be ill.

Clearly bagging my head through the wall (hyperbole) didn't work, and ended up wasting 5 more days of summer… If I keep doing it I'll start singing "Slipping Through My Fingers" sooner than I hoped. I must think hard before my next move…

(after a day)

Eureka! This must be a sub-conscious response to donuts or to been the only one from the group that hasn't had a summer passion (even deWinter "got one" and she's a bitch [in her own words])… nah it's definitively donuts…

What can I say? The Winner takes it all (damn it I did it again!!!)

CMXCIX-DCLXVI=CCCXXXIII

2010-08-21T04:45:00.001+01:00

Funny thing about Romans, they weren't any good at math. But very good at torture.

2010-08-04T23:37:00.003+01:00

There will come a time when I will see my whole life flash before my eyes. And the reason I've been a little busy lately, is because I've been making this last month worth watching.

2010-08-03T02:10:00.000+01:00

on hollyday

2010-07-27T19:23:00.000+01:00

We(I)'ll be back in a sec (three weeks) whit new and better stuff.
See ya

CrappyMusicMomment

2010-07-09T01:38:00.002+01:00

...

And it's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
...

There are no stars in the sky

2010-07-07T03:30:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry for not being in English but i just sang this lullaby to a little princess, and reminded me of a passion for this song

2010-07-07T03:14:00.000+01:00

Part 3 - Writing home

2010-07-06T20:00:00.003+01:00

"Eleven-thirty. It’s hot and it’s raining. We’re stationary now, a hundred miles east of the ocean. There’s this silence in the night, such a terrifying silence. We hear the bombs now and then. Each of them kills dozens, but the numbers no longer make sense in my head. I think I got three today. Don’t hate me for that. Two more months and I’m leaving, leaving this fight which was never mine, leaving this country. It’s so hot in this place. You know I hate it. I like the cold, just like you do. I’m sending this letter home, but there’s no address in the envelope. There are only two words. Your name. Home.
I hope you still love me."

in "My time in the war"
Jack

2010-07-04T03:56:00.002+01:00

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?

Charles Schulz

2010-07-01T21:44:00.002+01:00

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."

Oscar Wilde

YouTube - Shakira - Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) (The Official 2010 FIFA ...

2010-06-25T02:32:00.000+01:00

YouTube - Shakira - Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) (The Official 2010 FIFA ...

failing to write something about the world cup before the first game, why not compensating it doing it be fore what can be the last?

It's time for Africa!

That's all

2010-06-24T04:35:00.002+01:00

You know reading this last post gave me a new vision on things, especially on those that I've never done or experienced. I must say that my eyesight seems greener now and I don't know why.

Maybe Carpem Diem? Seize the day, I used to love that expression and what it meant, it used to be liberating and out of routine... But now? PSSt! it's just the same shit I see every day. All I hear is advertise, and stupid for that matter.

How many times does a friend of yours, come up to you, with a something and says you should do it, because you don't live forever?

I know in introspective that my behavior doesn't accompany the tune of my words, and that my reasoning is most certainly blurred with the plain simple sin of envy and jealousy. But one must wonder from time to time, how many crack heads still say Carpem Diem?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….................

Do you know that history has a tendency to repeat it self?

In this 93% full moon night...

2010-06-23T23:58:00.004+01:00

It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
I'm not one of those
who can easily hide

It's just so amazing to do things you never did, to do something for the first time. It's just so amazing to get out of your confort zone and feel something deep inside you. Whether it's good or bad, it's this things that shape who you are. I don't think I would be the same person if I hadn't done what I did just now. I dont' try things just to try them, or because everyone does it. When I do something I want to do it to define myself, to see what I can do, how that makes me feel, how that makes other people feel. I overthink stuff. But sometimes I also overfeel them. And the hard things to do are the ones you feel the most, the ones that hit you right in the core. And this was a hard thing to do, and it scared the hell out of me. But I like this fear, it makes me feel alive. I'm old enough to know what I want, and I'm learning to be brave enough to fight for it. 'Cause this life is mine and no one else's, and if I don't do the things I want, no one will do them for me...
I learned a lot about time in my physics class, but the only thing important about time is that it goes by too damn fast.

Make the best of what little time you have.

breath taking, replay

2010-06-18T14:33:00.000+01:00

Funny how flying seems like falling, every time

2010-06-18T01:25:00.000+01:00

I was goin’ where I shouldn’t go
seein’ who I shouldn’t see
doin’ what I shouldn’t do
and bein’ who I shouldn’t be

a little voice told me it’s all wrong
another voice told me it’s alright
I used to think I was strong
but lately I just lost the fight

funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while
funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while

I got tired of bein’ good
started missing that old feeling free
stop actin’ like I thought I should
and went on back to bein’ me

I never meant to hurt no one
I just had to have my way
if there is such a thing as too much fun
this must be the price you pay

funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while
funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while

you never see it comin’ till it’s gone
it all happens for a reason
even when it’s wrong
especially when it’s wrong

funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while
funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’
for a little while

I was goin’ where I shouldn’t go
seein’ who I shouldn’t see
doin’ what I shouldn’t do
and bein’ who I shouldn’t be

A cube, flowers, a ladder, a horse and a storm

2010-06-06T04:09:00.001+01:00

Once upon a time, I entered a black room, all black from top to bottom and from side to side. Mysteriously it had no doors or windows, I didn't know how did I entered there, but it didn't matter, because I felt safe, calm and peaceful.

The room was big, and there was a ladder laid on the left wall of the room, and on the wall just behind me there was a chalk bar. All the rest of this cubicle room was empty.

I stayed still for many moments, just looking around, but there was nothing to look at… so I picked up the chalk, and started drawing, a dribble on the floor, for starters… a curve here and there, and some straight lines, strangely it ended building up to be a nice flower, covering the whole floor.

And again I stayed still for many moments more, looking at the flower I drew on the floor, suddenly a flower, wasn't enough, I wanted more… so I erased it all and instead of drawing a flower I drew a bunch of them, and in this rampaging drawing fever I turn to the right wall and started drawing an animal to pasture in this filed I was creating.

I drew a horse on the right wall, a mustang to be precise, a free, stubborn and strong horse, and the most beautiful thing anyone has ever seen.

Moments passed I would change and adapt my drawing to what I deemed perfection, but while doing that I noticed that the flowers didn't grow, they just bloomed and nothing more… And I needed to change this.

I thought about it for a long time, and I finally remembered that flowers need water to grow, so I walked up to the front wall and started to draw some rain, but some rain wasn't enough, so I drew a bit more, and then more and more and more… until It became a storm! But the flowers weren't growing, and then I remembered that flowers need light to grow also. So I drew a light, a lightning bolt. And the flowers started growing, reaching my knees.

This happened all once upon a time, but yesterday my friend said that this is just a metaphor for my life… Is it really?

2010-06-06T02:19:00.001+01:00

I'm still here...

Piracy control

2010-06-05T15:01:00.001+01:00

see this.

and then this:

Who's right? one the other? both? or Maybe all three?
P.S.: Although i do not support piracy, i also feel that this isn't the way to fight it.

Toranja - Carta

2010-06-01T20:10:00.000+01:00

Murder is easier to spell then suicide

2010-05-31T18:01:00.001+01:00

There was a man sitting on the yellow dry grass, watching everyone just moving around him. He could only wonder what it would be like if some forces were bigger than they are. "What if with only one hand a man could move a mountain, bring the valley up, or silence a powerful volcano?", the man wondered. But as he builds his net of thought around the prospects of a different world, something buzzed him.

"The world could change a thousand times," thought the man"but no matter how it would change, I would always be left to my ideas and thoughts, because even then, or there, I would be miserable." The man got himself so enraged, red was the only visible color.

And in this twist of raging emotion the man, rapidly… STUD UP! And Screamed "PAIN!" and it all went away, he then shouted "sadness!" and it disappeared. He was now a lighter man, this act of self honesty, somehow, freed him from the shackles of time.

He took a breath, and it felt different, and maybe better… definitely better. So much better, he smiled and was happy, so happy.

The man decided to do something now, leave the yellow dry grass and find himself a green pasture where he could culture this new found happiness. While walking away from the place that had set him free the man thought of the brighter future he could now have, the wonder full things he could do and…

And then… he was shot.

20 years after my heart was a sphere

2010-05-30T03:33:00.004+01:00

I think doctors got it all wrong…
They keep saying the heart is this fist-shaped, 300 grams weighting, constantly beating thing, and that is just not right. Hearts are spheres! At least mine is. My heart is a sphere, or it was when I was born. Now I’m not sure.

Let me explain you why my heart isn’t a sphere anymore.
I was born 7305 days ago. Some days earlier than I was supposed to. I remember feeling the world couldn’t go on without me, and so I kicked my way out. My heart was a sphere back then. A small one, like a ping pong ball. Spheres are perfect, and so when you’re born your heart is perfectly shaped. Everything that happened to me since somehow got into my heart through this hole it has, that I will call The Hole Through Which Things Entered, for now. Now it’s the size of a tennis ball. “It didn’t grow that much” you could say. And you would be right. But it has a lot of new things in it.

I was looking at it the other night. I found some friends in there, next to a can of condensed milk. There were a couple of physics formulae, and a lot of particles flying around. Somehow, there was a horse in there, which I recognized to be the horse that almost killed me and that I saved from dehydration. I saw a road mark where it said “Injustice” and another one with “Freedom”. There was my family too. Kind of hidden in one corner was a strange thing: it looked like it had been ripped, teared apart, and it was still healing. It had the letters ‘L’ and part of what I think was an ‘O’. I knew exactly what it was.
So in there was everything, everything I believed, everything I hated, everything I knew, everyone who was important to me. In my heart was my whole life.

Now I can begin to explain you why my heart isn’t a sphere anymore.
You see, the Hole Through Which Things Entered is a one way passage. Things are supposed to get in and not out. When something gets out of my heart, it hurts. Imagine the tennis ball, it’s like you pulled the little strings of felt just a little bit, without breaking them, just pulling them out. In my 175320 hours of life, many things got out of my heart. Some I pushed out myself because I couldn’t live with them, some took entire bits of Heart Thing (the thing that makes the heart) with them when they left. You wish it wouldn’t happen, that at least good things would stay in there forever, but that’s not how the world works. What always stays there are memories. Memories of good things. And you can live just on memories for a while; they have a supply of happiness that lasts a while, kind of like a battery. But eventually it runs out. To be happy you have to struggle to find new memories, not to take place of old ones, but to complement them.

I lost my heart once.
Just like that, it went away. I thought someone had stolen it, so I went to the police, but they couldn’t find who it was. I kept living without my heart for a few weeks. It wasn’t really living since I had no heart, but I kept going somehow. A month or two later, I found my heart in the floor. I put it back in my chest. But it was broken, it didn’t work. Someone had taken the ‘VE’ that was there before; someone burned a piece of it, cut a piece of it and broke a piece of it. It was not the same heart anymore.
I put a bandage in it and the doctor gave me some pills. My friends told me it would be all right, it would heal and start beating again. It might just take time. And they were right, it did take time, but it healed. It got different, it wasn’t the same anymore, but it was beating! In fact, it was stronger now, bigger. I had a better heart now. I learned so much from losing my heart. I learned that I can’t like things without it, and I can’t really feel them. To lose my heart made me realize how important it is to feel, to connect with something in the deepest of levels, to really love something. My life is what it is now because… wait… my life is worth it because I have loved. As simple as that.

So that’s it. Everything that happened to me, within these 631152000 seconds I’ve walked the Earth, did something to my sphere-shaped heart. Some things more than others, but they all did. They molded it, shaped it, broke it and glued it back together. What I learned?

Your heart is stronger than you might think at first, and it will always heal, if you give it time.

Sometimes it’s hard when your heart wants something but the rest of your body’s fighting it away.

And the most important law of Heart Science: little road marks that say “LOVE” tend to appear now and then. These road marks tend to get bigger if we nurture them. The perseverance of these marks is a sufficient condition to happiness.

Twenty years ago, my heart was a sphere. Now it isn’t anymore. Want to know what happened?

Life happened.

BANG BANG IUPII SONG

2010-05-18T22:31:00.004+01:00

When you spend hours of your day programming, which is a very frustrating kind of work, you need to found motivation to keep going..

The past few days, i've sang this music a lot!! Everytime i or my co-workers would find a bug, we'd go Bang Bang, Bangitty bang...

YouTube Stuff

2010-05-18T21:13:00.000+01:00

It made me laugh..What about you?

...

2010-05-16T01:45:00.003+01:00

I think I've posted this video recently, but I'm not in the mood to search it...

Baby look at me
And tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time I'll make you forget the rest

I got more in me
And you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hands
Don't you know who I am?

Do you know that 'rule' of not getting yourself between a girl and her boyfriend? Well... Is that debatable? Just this time, please?? :P

CrappyMusicMoment

2010-05-16T00:18:00.001+01:00

Genius!

2010-05-06T19:57:00.001+01:00

This deserves to be read (2)

Train - Hey, soul sister

2010-05-06T19:40:00.002+01:00

Heeey heeeey heeeeey

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moon beam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Heeey heeeey heeeey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Well you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)

Living in regret

2010-04-27T00:35:00.001+01:00

My shelves are full of memories, from happy times to less happy times, from reality and from fantasy, from glory and romance to crime and punishment. I feel old for having so many things to remember…

To me the expression "going on a journey through memory lane" seems to cut it too "short". I always feel like my life was so filled, but now is just a disappointing wreckage of the speeding cart it once was. More than I can possible count I hoped for never land, my kingdom of fantasy, where I would restore forever in my youth, dreaming playing and finding an adventure somewhere behind a mountain, beneath the ocean; over the sky, and beyond the canyon. Huff… But none of that's possible…

"CARPE DIEM!!" I hear loud and clear from people of interest, "death does not take a breather just because you when in a trip via memory auto way". But no matter how true it is that doesn't change the fact I wish I was innocent like I was once, to the time where going to class did not felt like pulling a gun to my brain and shoot every twenty seconds, when boredom wasn't even a known word and if we felt like something wasn't fun, we would get up and run around it making it more like we wanted, and specially, when masturbation was not just and end of the day pain killer.

This seems like a middle aged man is writing his crisis for everyone to read, which would be true if I'm dated to meet death when I complete 40.

But I shouldn't be here just ranting about my social awkwardness problems, that wouldn't be fair to those who actually think this is lecture like economic blog.

So here it is for the world.

My country has an expiration date much more short than my own.

Germany think that everyone has already forgot about what happened with their third Reich, and want to re-gain the "most hateful country" title by refusing to help Greece.

USA… it's pointless to rant about them nothing that I say will even scratch the surface.

Asia is paradise for any business.

Africa wants' to be a colony of the highest bidder.

And the rest? They'll burn or up out this whole mess.

But hey we have to give a big round of applause, to the socialist policies that just keep on adding gasoline to this bun fire.

See you all

JSKofL

P.S.: some more words before I leave… facebook, twitter, myspace this would be pretty good ideas in a perfect world, but to me they just a frustration mechanism that leaves me sitting in infront the computer saying "What the Fuck" "fuck you" while I point my middle finger towards the non functional webcam

2010-04-25T21:50:00.000+01:00

"Esta é a madrugada que ele esperava, o dia inicial inteiro e limpo, onde emergimos da noite e do silêncio e livres habitamos a substância do tempo."

Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen

What is money?

2010-04-19T01:58:00.002+01:00

It's said too many times that Money doesn't bring happiness, later someone added, but it helps.

And it is true. Yet we adore this "money", some do even pray for it, but what is it really? Can you eat it? No! Can you wear it? No! Does it shelter you? No! Does it keep you warm? No! Does it come to your house at night tapping your knees and ask you if you lost weight? No!

So why do we adore it so much? Because it helps.

We all have a big adoration for this "money", some have even said that it is the work of the devil, others that it is a miracle, some find this money through the years, others from day to night, and there are those that live without it at all.

€ 20, 500$, £1000, 20000¥? What is this worth? Trade.

In all the adoration and the continuous exploitation of this "money" and the trade it provides, or if you wish, the help it gives. Hides the truest fact about it.

It's only paper!

Maybe not "only" but it is paper, a nice paper that we so much love, but it's really not very different form the paper I use to wipe my ass clean every day. If I may say the only difference between the two is that when with shit on it, the first one, we pick it up.

This isn't a rebellious post, because I know and acknowledge the great importance of "money" in our society, and I can't imagine the chaos we would live in if it just disappeared. But I also think that if an extraterrestrial life form came to us would be shocked with the paranoia money brings to our lives.

We study it, we record it, and we measure the behavior of it, but if anyone did this to another human being, in two seconds he would be tagged as a stoker and banned from society. But with money, it's just a study…

We're all mad, that I've figured out… but it could be worst.

John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt

Bolero, the dance of life

2010-04-18T02:16:00.000+01:00

Please start the music.

It start's soft and simple, like a baby giving its first steps, a easy set of moves one foot then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

And then it grows, and the baby gather's strength and speech to its abilities, but it always goes in the same rhythm, one year then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

Still it grows, adding knowledge to the speech and movement, strengthening itself the young one, grows now in friends and family, in the same rhythm one member more then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

It reaches perfection, the world looks at him has an example, a motto, a role model, a hero. Taking one challenge and then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

And then it goes over his head, falls to the grown and dies…

Just like in life, we reach perfection and then we fall.

(i know this is a small post for such a long music but please listen to it until the end, it will be good for you)
John Scar Kramer

2010-04-13T21:22:00.004+01:00

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

Lost whore

2010-04-11T02:16:00.004+01:00

I lost my whore…

If you feel in anyway capable of locating her for me, please do, for I've spent too much time sitting in front of my computer waiting for her to appear and give me some idiotic story to write about.

If you are in anyway offended because I'm calling someone or something a whore, I suggest that you think about how offended must I feel, to buy a mercenary to tell she loves me… to tell me I'm such a good friend, a good person, a good lover…

… I'm going against society code of ethics and rules, because society as excluded me. I was found to be under society standards, in order to be a part of it, and because help only goes to those in "need", I was thrown out like the bag of trash they think I am.

Only in society can you find love, everywhere else you'll have to make do with whores, pimps and loneliness.

If you, reading this think that this is nothing more than an encrypted message to some people, you're right.

But anyway, I miss my whore.

If you find her please advise me,

I want peace

2010-04-06T03:43:00.002+01:00

Bring me to a peaceful life, that's my wish. I shouldn't rest my thoughts just in prayer, I know that, and even acknowledge that life's meaning doesn't come in wimps and wamps, it needs to be worked and it needs to be… to be… something more. Something that I still don't know what it is, and why should I?

Why should I know, what more is there to life, when I come to you whishing for peace.

Maybe that is it. Work and ignorance. Doing something without knowing what it is or what is it for… Almost poetic.

Life, a lyrical text without form or real object. How Grand!

"Mother! You gave me LIFE and asked me just to give it meaning, but I don't know!"

I just want peace

[Backwards] Benjamin Button

2010-04-03T00:06:00.006+01:00

[It took me about seven years, but eventually the time came.]

And those three words were said by the only person I never thought would. And I got to say a bunch of words i never thought i would..specially to that particular person!

You know what, cut the crap!!!!! Get over yourself!

Aging is something you can't get away from, so getting depressed over it is just stupid!!!

On the other hand, i totally get you my friend..Twenty years have already gone and you feel like nothing has been done, but you know what, nothing is expected from us at this age, which can ironically get you even more depressed or help you through wherever is that you're going through..

Make the next twenty years unbelievably dreamy! You had very little power over this two past decades, considering half the time you couldn't even go outside on your own!!

I know you are way better at this side of the road than i am, but you had about seven years and a half of training, so...

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."

2010-03-27T02:08:00.002Z

“There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness”

Aldous Huxley

Economist fables

2010-03-25T23:10:00.001Z

The beginning,

That's the hardest part when writing a text, at least for me. I never know how to introduce the subject I would like to address. In conversations I'm not that good either, it seems that starting something is biggest obstacle I face, no matter what it is… For example reading this introduction you could easily assume that I'm going to start some kind of rant or comment spitting about the first step of things (texts, conversations, relations, etc…), but to show you how bad are my introductory paragraph, I'm not going to extend myself more than I've done until now in that filled. Instead I would like to talk about the mechanics behind this blog of ours…

You may have noticed, or not, (there's nothing to be embarrassed about if you haven't) that our blog is not economic efficient, and that coming from a blog that in its own title reads "economist" is truly odd. That's because we like to say to those who advertise a sustained growth, to pick it up, fold it and… Shove it up their ass! Here, we don't mind having great periods of big growth, posting almost a dozen of texts in a single day, and then go throw periods, such as this one, where we stagnate and don't write nothing or write something close to nothing, that's how we do it.

That's why we don't have periodicals, texts or subjects we write every other day or week or month. Even deWinter's CrappyMusicMoments aren't part of a routine they happen when they do and don't when they don't.

Also, it's our curse to be extremely dependable of inspiration… Inspiration that thing that whenever it's mention in metaphoric sense always brings porn attached.

So in my view… Inspiration is a hore that we found in the street broken, soured and dirty, form uses and abuses others take of it. We pick her up, bring her our home and take care of her, healing her, nurturing her and educating her. Until she becomes the lady she was once destined to be. Basically we "virginise" this hore. Who when we're about to charm and seduce tells us that she's going to leave with that bastard cock sucking idiot form across the street.

We never take great advantage of Inspiration when she falls on to our laps, and when she leaves we curse the days we had and didn't use to any profit…

There's also the comment and commenter factor to take into account, and this is a strange thing. Because although we don't care… Well that's not it, I would like to explain this part better, but with no wishing to prolong this tiring scope of mine, so what I meant to say was; I don't care for other people thoughts or ideas, but I like to know that what people are thinking about has something to do with what I said or wrote.

And I think now that this is a great way to finish so.

The most important image ever taken

2010-03-23T22:26:00.003Z

The photons from this galaxies left millions of years ago to now end their journey, as a small blip, on a telescope CCD... Think about that.

Put yourself in my coma

2010-03-20T02:45:00.001Z

Facts: Banged my head;

Felt dizzy for a day and a half.

Fiction: Something may be missing but I don't know what.

I know I lost something, I can't remember what it was or is, it's importance or function… I just feel like I lost something and can't remember what.

I had a tick and it dropped, a concern and it went away, a lie and it fell through the cracks. Something I lost and it may be out there if there was a thing to start with.

A void, is filling a space that it wasn't there before, I think, I don't know if it's a void filling an empty space or a space now empty filled with a void…

There's sense of loss without actually losing anything but a better sounding mind.

Is the brain so complex that it doesn't acknowledge emptiness as something of future use or is it that a surprising appearance of new space brought down a whole housing economy.

My thoughts scream now pain.

Maybe I should lay down for a while?

2010-03-20T02:30:00.003Z

"Love isn't an act. It's a whole life. It's staying with her now because she needs you. It's knowing you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures - when all that's on the shelf and done with.
I'll tell you what love is: it's you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the other's step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime's talk is over."

Brian Moore

To keep going, keep breathing, when all you lived for all your life is not here anymore, is the tuffest task I can imagine. Isn't life without love but a silent sea shell?

The boondock saints

2010-03-15T19:35:00.001Z

There are movies you watch because they're funny, others because they make you cry, some because they are thrilling and others because it gives you a boner. These tow movies are sure to satisfy every single one of those requirements. If in singularity they are case to seriously consider together, there's just nothing that can compare.
I declare this to be the best squeal ever made... In my humble opinion of course

But if you're not convinced hear this:

Scorpion and the frog

2010-03-15T19:15:00.001Z

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back because the scorpion cannot swim. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "But little frog, I can swim."

Lemons to make lemonade

2010-03-15T01:12:00.002Z

Having felt sometimes that life doesn't give me the desired and/or deserved lemons, I wonder through the orchard.

And that's me… I live life not fighting for what I deserve or what I don't deserve, but instead wondering because fighting spills too much blood, and while wondering I can only be accused of not carrying or being distracted. Blood isn't spoiled down to my hands, because I don't fight, yet I am not without blame.

Because Although wondering doesn't influence on the extending of the battle, people have convinced society, who with such non-grateful favor convinced me, that standing idly by is just as criminal as shooting a gun… I can see that not seeking an end to a war is bad…

But I must complain of this provocation. Sitting idly by, without picking sides or benefiting any party, shouldn't be compared to an act of such violence as some seem to want it to be… And I feel that this people who feed this ideals to society do not acknowledge the full extent this provocation might grow to.

Imagine, my dear reader, as I did, that we should live in world of only four nations, picture them as being so:

(A, B, C and D) All Having at least one border with each other. Let us have that nations B and C wage war against each other, A finds that the war should end and D claims to be neutral.

As C and B fight off for years, the people of nation A parade their discontent, and argue about which side has the most reason to wage war against the other, and nation D communicates that as long as their nation isn't injured by this war they shall not take sides.

Nations C and B keep fighting, nation's A population urge the government to take part in ending the war. Nation D keeps on living…
Fight continues. Government in nation A takes a side approved by majority as to be the one with most reason, start to assemble the army to support nation B. Nation D keeps living idly by.
Nations C and B keep fighting, but B has now the support of A. Nation C asks for nation D's support. Nation D refuses to take part.
Nation C succumbs to A and B, who are declared winners. Nation D keeps neutrality
C takes a last shoot at redemption and deploys a big attack at nations A and B all re-start fighting again. D declares to be neutral and isn't in anyway harmed

The reader can continue to speculate in the matter, in my reasoning nation D will get of fine until the rest feel jealousy over the immaculate state of that nation around so much death and pain. But I'm opened to hear other reasonable perspectives.

But anyway it must be admitted by at least the few of you reading this that fighting even for the right reasons will bring more victims than to wonder…

In the end, wondering through the orchard will lead me to find a fallen lemon, and then I will make lemonade to enjoy after my wondering journey.

The Sidewalk Astronomer

2010-03-15T00:00:00.004Z

What an amazing men this is. His name is John Dobson, he's an amateur astronomer and inventor of a revolutionary telescope model. He has made a quest to let people see what they never saw before. The jaw-dropping eyesights offered by the simplest of the telescopes, has made many people leap out of their "genetic programming" boundaries and amaze at what's out there.

I remember the first time I saw Saturn through the telescope. Besides all the jumping histerically and calling everybody that followed, there was a quiet moment when I first looked at it and I couldn't control the excitement of seeing something so amazing. And I felt new connections being created in my brain, because there is no preconception, you really never expect to see what you see when you look through that little eyepiece. That was one of the most important moments in my life. Mainly because I did it by myself, alone in the backyard, out in the freezing cold, after 2 hours of scrutining the sky. But I found it! With my 70€ piece of supermarket telescope...
And 3 or 4 years later, after seeing it duzens of times, it still amazes me every single time! About what else can I say that?

Now, when I go to the observatory and I show people Saturn and Jupiter and Mars, and even the ever-so-simple Moon, even if they don't seem as interested as I would expect, I know there's connections being created in their brains. Almost everyone has the same reaction, and that's amazement. I like that.

Here's a little clip form a movie about Dobson:

"Everything we know about this universe, has been figured out by people as stupid as we are. And if they can do it, we can do it. Not only that; but if you figure it out for yourself - it doesn't matter who figured it out before - if you figure it out for yourself, it's your own."

3..2..1 Wristcutters A Love Story

2010-03-14T00:52:00.002Z

It's a good movie. Makes you wonder.

It's definitely a MUST!

Death is overrated

I do IT For them..

2010-03-13T23:00:00.004Z

It's weird how you realize you care for someone by noticing how you don't care about other people.

Relationships are hard, specially when you feel powerless.

Not too often, but often enough, I can't help to feel like i'm in a car, aware we're about to crash and knowing i'll never make it to the breaks in time and to make it all worse, when i look at the driver, there is (s)he crying his/hers eyes out.

It breaks my heart. It really does.

So I do what i can do. I comfort them, never lying to them whatsoever, and i go try to help them by doing something..

Funny thing is I know i suck at this..I suck at being positive and i hate, oh I hate when I end up saying "it'll be ok!". I know they'll get trough it, but i don't know how, or when, or how scared will they get. And scaring is something that concerns me..

So, I do it. I do what i can, even if it means getting out of my precious box and it feels great, cause when things turn out fine, i like to believe i had something to do with it, even if they never actually know..That is helping, not being a hypocrite!

Because there is a difference. Doing something you don't believe in for someone I love and know it's right, it's caring, and that fraction of time when i'm doing it, i'm actually believe it!!So, i'm know i'm not a hypocrite. And i don't five a shit if the rest of the world recognize it or not.

I do. And so do my friends. That's good enough for me.

I sleep like a baby...even better, like a perfectly HAPPY baby!!!

2010-03-12T21:36:00.001Z

"To say 'I love you' one must first be able to say the 'I.' "

Ayn Rand

Not a single minute to breath

2010-03-04T23:45:00.001Z

Huff.

(It has been a non-stopping day and that's all it comes to mind.)

I'll keep it short.

It's great to see that what my friend's wish for me in my birthday is that I die and eat ass cake on the way.

Thanks to all

John

For John...

2010-03-04T18:52:00.004Z

I'm so clumsy... I put your present on top of your cake and it all got ruined =(
I'll find you a new cake and... well... I'll let you clean up the present, ok?

For John...

2010-03-04T18:37:00.003Z

2010-03-04T16:35:00.001Z

Does saying Happy Birthday counts as celebrating??

A Serious Man (2009)

2010-03-02T22:29:00.002Z

I've seen 3 of the Coen brothers' movies, so I think I can already make some judgement. It may not be fair, or true to their real style, but it's what I can.

Coen brothers' movies = dark humor with no real point...

I guess that's it, their movies aren't comedies but you can still laugh, their humor is intelligent and it's more like nothing's going on. It's like they caught someone's life in the middle, started shooting and made a movie with that.
This one in particular is quite good. Everything is going wrong to a middle aged physicist (some resemblence with someone's future is pure coincidence), no one seems to be able to help and... well that's it. Quite an emotional ending, because... it just ended. Like that.
So my analysis can be somehow reformulated.

Coen brother's movies = 1 to 2 hours of (funny) 'things' with no real point = life.

Language is the universal whore that i must make into a virgin

2010-03-01T15:25:00.000Z

(by Karl Kraus)

A Warning

2010-03-01T01:47:00.000Z

To those who can connect the dots,
Please respect my wishes when i say i don't want to celebrate anything until the end of time, because it will just make me annoyed, and i don't like to be the only one annoyed, i usually like that the world feels like i do... and thats pretty easy to atchieve sometimes its just a phone call to super mario
Thanks John in behalf of someone else

As Time tells it

2010-03-01T01:12:00.002Z

The fire is breading, it takes all the oxygen and burns it into carbon-dioxide, while it tells a story. This is the focus…

"Life, gave birth to beings, who felt that mother's love was greatest thing of all.

Until mother left one child behind to be care for by papa Death…

The beings that were left behind felt a cold scaring freezing wind go through their spine,

And gave it some though, they rationalized it, "emotionized" it, they adored it,

And the triplet suppositions were born.

One was adopted by the rational beings was called "purgatory"

The one who was adopted by the emotional was called "Heaven"

And finally "Hell" who was left to those who devoted themselves to adoration.

Heaven learned to be something that was the contraire to all, it would be light in darkness and a black dot in a with surface,

Purgatory, created unknowns and broke reality into pieces…

Hell took all those believes and mixed it up with the broken pieces of reality to create illusion, fear and the seven sins.

Heaven went to complain about Hell to Purgatory, who communicated the misbehavior to the rationales

The rationales hearing upon the devious behavior of Hell, went to the devoted who refused to break their comfort to give way to doubt.

So the rationales went to punish Hell by themselves, and tried to correct his behavior.

Hell heard about their coming and told illusion and fear to welcome them…

The welcome committee took reason by surprise,

After punching some holes through reason, Hell and his minions gave it a new perspective, and told them it would be better emotions and heaven.

The idea pleased all parameters of reason and it served well enough the laziness of Purgatory.

Heaven was trapped in a golden gate park, to only be opened by those who could trick reason…

And to emotion a body was given to be haunted by fear and illusion for the rest of time…

Mamma life did not like what happened and decided to punish Hell and everyone who should have had taken responsibility.

Papa Death took Hell, Heaven and Purgatory into his care as Mamma requested.

And Reason, Emotion and Devotion were entrapped into the same body until they learned to live along with each other.

And until today, the lesson stays without being learned"

John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt©1^st March 1, 2010

Through 63 powers of ten

2010-02-28T22:02:00.002Z

Use your arrow keys to realize what's your place in the universe:

Animation

The ten

2010-02-28T03:49:00.002Z

Born
Sleeps
Eats
Breaths
Jokes
Loves
Hates
Cares
Fucks
Dies

I'm anyone, but not anyone is me. How's that for ten flaw's?

Does that make me eligible? Because I don't feel any different and the world hasn't stopped. So what different did it made?

11. Vague

This one is a bonus If you get what I mean

Dog barking at a tree

2010-02-28T03:27:00.001Z

I've seen a dog barking at a tree, many times. It all started because there was a squirrel and the dog found it funny to chase the little fluffy, but then the squirrel was gone but the dog did bot cease, he kept barking because that was the only thing he then knew how to do…

H20 - What Happened?

2010-02-28T03:24:00.001Z

Lost (1, 2, 3, 4) lifetime ago it seems
You gave up on your wildest dreams
But I refuse to let mine go
I took an oath, you can find me here
With an open heart and ears
Refusing to surrender
I can't believe they don't remember
What it feels like to be young

2010-02-27T04:02:00.002Z

But the fruit that can fall without shaking
Indeed is too mellow for me.

Drink drinking drank (now with a clear head)

2010-02-21T23:30:00.002Z

Okay… this one is the real deal yesterday I was too tired to connect some dots.

Yesterday I went to a friend's party, it was his birthday, and so I went to meet him in a small bar in Santos. I walked through the rain until I reached the bar, I entered and there he was with his friends, standing right next to the door. He welcomed me and introduced me to the his friend's quartet, it was so noisy I couldn't catch any of their names so for sake of making some sense of this episode I'll give them some code names (boy1, boy2, girl1 and girl2).

My friend went to the bar to get himself a beer, and I was left to make some observations about his friends:

They smoked like chimneys;
Boy1 and girl1 were dating;
They are the complete opposite of me.

The bar was cozy, which is just another word to say small, and it was crowded, but that did not keep the quartet from jumping out of their sits and give it all in the dance floor. It was funny to see how almost out of nowhere they were able to free themselves and start moving like if they were spelling with their hands in a flowing paint… The black lights with changing tons of color also helped the marveling image… I was petrified, but only noticed when I looked across the bar and saw a frame of erratic movements over an unmovable statue, and the statue was me…

In my shock I decided to take a breather and went outside, where it was still raining, it was fresh and it felt great. After a while, my friend came out also, to reply to a commemorating phone call. We then engaged into a chat about nothing and everything like so many friends do. Upon conclusion of this little talk we went back in… And I was offered, but it must be said that the offering was really insisting, the five of us cheerer and drank our beer, then came the shots tow of a black thingy that was rather sweet.

After this I felt like I was breathing fire and went outside to fresh up my throat, it had stopped raining, but I decided to crouch under a dripping pipe to calm myself down, every cold drop that hit me, felt like a reliever. I was making my way back in when I saw my friend and boy1 coming and so took the opportunity to stay outside a bit longer as we developed a conversation around the topic of relationships ( I don't know why, but although I one of the least experienced person in the matter everyone seeks my advice in this precise matter, it's funny). Then we went back in to the waves that flowed in the bar, drinking something every other quarter of an hour, until I decided it was enough if I wanted to drive home in a couple of hours. For the rest of the night everyone of the group, would from now and then go outside to take a breather… And When the clock stroke 4 we were all out and going in our own direction in search of home and bed to sleep in…

And the last music was:

drink drinking drunk

2010-02-21T05:39:00.002Z

This might come out as a complicated thingyy because i'm a little bit drunk and very much tired…

I went to a friend's party, better call it social gathering in a bar, and it was fun!

I got there it was already past midnight and it was raining cats and dogs, the bar was a small place just fit for a small reunion or something of the sort. I congratulated my friend for the occasion and he introduced me to his peers, who were sitting around a small table smoking their cigarettes and drinking their desired nectar.

As it was a small bar, it was rather choosy and crowded, so I went outside to catch a breather of fresh air, for a while and had a little talk with the baby of the day.

We talked about things and stuff… But when we got in I was amazed, it seemed like I entered the ocean, with its different water flows, people were dancing and putting their hands in the air it seemed like waves in this ocean.

I was offered a bit of poison and to exclude any possibility of rudeness I accepted, I was hoping not to drink too much to keep me from succumbing to it. But I wasn't able… And after a while I ended up on dying on the beach. But it was fun, and now I understand deWinter a bit more, just a bit.

John

buckle up!

2010-02-18T17:42:00.002Z

CrappyMusicMoment

2010-02-18T02:54:00.002Z

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

Livin' La Vida Louca

2010-02-18T02:29:00.002Z

My brain hurts.

Happiness is no peace of cake. Well, actually is exactly like a peace of cake: you eat it from time to time. You feel happiness from time to time. It is no continuo felling, you just get high!

As everything that gets you high, it's addictive as hell and addiction sucks cause it eventually leads to rehab which really sucks!!

As an individual who has got high from different types of "stuff", I had never felt this high before..I had forgotten what it was like to be highly happy!!

But getting high means hang over, which may or may not cause headaches.In my case it does but guess what? I have diazepam for that..

What are news made of?

2010-02-17T16:22:00.002Z

How To Report The News - Watch more Funny Videos

Masks for the whole year

2010-02-17T03:02:00.003Z

Yesterday, I saw a phantom singing Opera and a Donald duck dating Minnie, I saw spider-man in a car with batman, but they didn't seem to be fighting any crime or avenging anything… It all stroked me as odd until I figured it was carnival, after all.

Then I started to take a closer look to everyone's clouding, and came to conclude that the number of nurses and policewomen circulating the streets had risen brutally in the past 24 hours, also half of the city's male population had been transformed in their sleep and a lot had become transvestites… Everyone seemed to be masked, looking everywhere around everyone was except for me… And this could mean so much; it could mean that I don't need a mask because I wear one every day, or that I live so much of my life in anonymity that presenting me has myself is a great mask to wear, or whatever other blog's pseudo psychologists invent… I really don't care

There are hundreds of lectures and lecturers, which claim to be truthful and say that people should not only be ride off the physical masks but also the social, the psychological and emotional masks. And I hate those people… Because those are normally the people that when addressing, between pals, subjects like minorities start speaking by saying "I'm not a racist but… (Hypocrisy)". I'm not like that; at least that's what I think.

But then again I wear so many masks; it's very hard to say… It's really a riddle; I cannot say who I am with or without mask. Today I'm a youngster of 19 years, tomorrow? Maybe I'll be a babysitter, and after that? I'll grow to be a proper economist, a corrupt politician, a great detective or a TV lobbyist… I don't know. I think that every day I'll take a swing at a new mask until I find a perfect fit.

(I like trial and fail, because at every trail there's a possibility that you can get it right and every time you fail is a possibility to try again.)

Those that have masked themselves must have found themselves and decided for a little change, who am I to judge them?

it's all giggles and laughs until it appears on tv

2010-02-16T01:58:00.003Z

How funny do you have to to not be fired after this

Velentine’s lament

2010-02-15T02:14:00.002Z

Valentines came, and for the God forsaken mental health of all the others that are not in a relationship, it went…

And my first feeling about this "holyday" is sorry; I'm sorry for not completing what I set myself to do before this day, now I can't… maybe next year.

Then like so many I rant about the fact that valentine isn't really a holyday, it really is a marketing day, where all the restaurants, chocolates sellers and romantic thinggys… But I really don't mind because if not for a day such as this, there wouldn't be the delicious chocolate and sweets I lode myself into when desperate for something that enlightens my day.

I still suffer jealousy, alike all the ones who are still alone in the day of relations celebration… but I regard it more as greed than greeny like others do… I'll have my time and I'll enjoy it then, I can wait… Right person, right time, that's what poor people's valentine all about after all.

Love is good, love is great…if true there's nothing neither best nor worst so I've heard.

But if it's fake, this one I know some things about, is not as bad as people think it to be.

It's not corresponded…

It's lonely…

But it gives you desire, desire for life and lust… the blood rushes up your head and thoughts turn into mist, reason finds its limits and the body gives new meaning to cowardice. It's a waltz, a tango, a war… It doesn't matter and it means the world. It's a secret that's told only to the best of friends, and then written in a blog for everyone to read… But it is fake… It doesn't matter it's love…

We live in a fake world after all… where so little is real, why should love be so real? Let me drown in the elegancy of the little love I can treasure in someone's little smile…

Thank you

John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt (just to show, what kind of world we live in, this is my fake name)

What to do when really bored

2010-02-12T02:07:00.001Z

Open your fridge. Evaluate for a minute how much of everything you have there. Try to think of a recipe only using what you have. Do it.
Stare at a wall. Try to move it (just) with your thought.
Try to watch your nails getting bigger.
Clean up your bedroom
Draw something. Walk through your house with an empty sheet of paper and every now and then stop and draw the first thing that comes to you.
Do push-ups until your arms give in.
Read a book. (You won't get any better than this in this guide…)
Go outside. Start walking. If you don't know where to go, stop and wait for a bus. If its number is even you turn right, if it's odd you turn left.
Stare at the television from 10 cm away until your head hurts.
Turn the image in your computer monitor 180 degrees and try to surf the web.
Repeat a word until it loses its meaning.
Watch a 1957 movie.
Spin around until you're dizzy.

151 (or so) things

2010-02-12T01:36:00.001Z

As I said, the goal is to end every day knowing that you did all you could do. Knowing that there will be no hard feelings if your sleep tonight ends up being eternal.
Does that mean you can’t dream past today? Not exactly… It means you have to be done with things; don’t let them hover around, unfinished, unresolved, undecided.
The material things will eventually come together, at least in heaven, because (my) paradise features an eternity of everything you can think of! But the other stuff, stuff like being mad at someone you love, like never having said “I love you”, like never having felt love, like never being truly grateful for your time here on Earth, that stuff you should sort out asap.
Anyhow, that doesn’t keep me from dreaming! And I dream a lot, not just when I’m asleep. Because I’m a dreamer, and I’ll never be ashamed of that. So I’m trying to dream about 151 things to do before I die. It’s like a bucket list… Why 151? Don’t know, it felt right. And I’m asking you, what are your 151 things? Or your 4 things, whatever! What is it that you wish for? What do you want?

Go Cinderela Go!

2010-02-12T01:21:00.002Z

In the days evening Valentines, why not search for the dream.

And let me start with "the one who got away"!

It's the dream… having someone to chasse after, one ideal. She appeared in a glimpse and in the same she went away, you found her to be attractive but that was just a bread crumb you. She's exiting, she knows her things and many more, she's secretive but open to talk to you every single second, you laugh and she laughs too, you savor every minute with her… but then the clock strikes twelve and as dads little princess, in her most delicate purity she leaves without leaving even a hint to what's her name… She left in a two white horses white cart… and you never saw her again, she just left a hint a clue behind, maybe by accident, maybe on purpose, you'll only know when you meet her again…

And a hard journey is ahead of the one who seeks happiness with a mystery woman, must climb the highest mountain and cross the widest river. You promise yourself to cover the whole world and every time miss her for just a second, until she just appears at your door.

With love and Hope

John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt

The best champagne

2010-02-11T04:14:00.001Z

"Chef! Bring me the best champagne you have… don't mind expeditor, I'm celebrating…

To my dearest guest or folks are just sitting around waiting for dinner or the next meal, whatever you call it. BE GLAD!!! Our age is turning ninety degrees south. Everything is going to be so much hotter and steamy, all year long.

Go to your banks and cash out every single cent, it will be worthy… the world is changing you can either change before and have a taste of life as an all-you-can-eat-buffet, or you can stand as you do now looking at an empty plate waiting for it to come to you, and face the deception of expectancy and take every second figuring what suicidal ecstasy to take.

Waiter Oh! Waiter! Give them all a glass of your finest wine, they seem scared. Give them all from the old to the youngest. I don't want them to remember this day as the day a lunatic came and in a great extravagance talked about a damnation party… Let them remember like the night when someone gave them the taste of the purest nectar, planed to calm the desires of the False Gods we harvest throughout the years. Let's have a toast!!! TO HEROS!!! May they never quit on us anymore when we expect them to rise.

To politics for not giving way to the future, and making the past come right back to bite us in the ass.

I'm not drunk yet! I'll be… for my hero's have fallen and there's no one I can count on to lift me up and show me the way. And I'm without strength or will to go on… Enjoy your dinner my friends as you see a broken man walk out the door. Savor every bite and every sip… because it will be long before anything taste that good again. L'chai-im!!!!"

*Shoots* were heard outside, right after that misbalanced man left the restaurant. And right after came the parking boy shouting for a doctor and an ambulance, the man had just committed suicide. The crowd gathered in front of the door and window they wanted to see something to be able to testify and sell something to some news network.

I stood in my seat and drunk the wine my friend had just offered me to taste. And it tasted like a Gods tear. Like my friend say anarchy is coming as he wished… So he killed himself. "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it" a wilde man said that for the first time, and so many more proved it to be true…

Drowned in the best Champagne died a profet, let's see his prophecy come to true (like the goalkeeper defending Alvalade's colors, marveling instead of doing what you could to keep it out)

John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt

Please acknowledge that sharks cannot play chess

2010-02-09T03:54:00.001Z

Stop…

(Please do not panic)

Lately, in several conversations, I've supported that too few people stop for a while and consider or reconsider what they're doing, and how stupid their actions are, in account that they did not take a moment to think things over. Also I've taken part in the critic of this mechanized thinking way people use to solve their problems, using some sort of algorithm with the variables that they face and acknowledging the first solutions as to be truthful and correct, not having a broader perspective on the subject. And in the end I agreed to the conclusion that society is building itself into a slaved society by this mechanic and restricted perspective way of solving problems.

I've also taken part in argumentations that today's youth is more interested in parties and raves than the importance which their vote can have in today's and tomorrow's problems. And in this I also found myself that a change of ways must be found, to keep our future from falling into the hands of an elite minority that finds interest in politics and social affairs.

Today, I just listened to our dear Jack and deWinter, talking about several from public administration to education and the state of our country, basically it was the same talk about our society and stuff that I've been listening so much lately…. I listened carefully although they then argument that I just blacked out and stopped giving a rotten ass about what they we're talking about.

And upon hearing them carefully without purpose of disputing or responding to any comment, I found that they began every sentence in on a very similar way, and it sounded like those people that start every single sentence with "I'm not a racist, but…" (I'm not calling either one of them racist, and none of them ever really started a sentence whit this expression). Which is a bit odd, because they were agreeing with what the other was saying, and then contradicting that same agreement, in conclusion they were trying to manipulate each other. And it was fun to watch…

They eventually got tired of agreeing to then disagree with each other and decided to disagree with me. So they asked for my opinion… and to make them happy I disagreed with deWinter proposition to solve the political social awareness problem of our generation and the ones to come… without really saying the way they dismantled my thoughts and breached with the idea that that was the only possible solution, and not just a solution. But I have to accredit them, it makes sense…

But one more thing came to my mind… I thought that we were acting like sharks, tackling the problem without considering a broader view, and broader consequence. We were just moving without stopping to think of other possibilities, we're falling into the algorithm based society we so thrilling try to fight against.

Do you know that sharks (or any other kind of fish) cannot play chess? Even if they were to be propped with the tools to move the pieces?

That's right, because chess is game that requires great concentration and anticipation of consequences that will come from each play. Basically you need to stop and think about what to do. Sharks can never stop, otherwise they'll die. And that's why sharks will never play chess effectively.

That's our problem we behave as sharks when we try to solve anything, we don't give time for one idea to settle we have to automatically correct it, because it's default, it's bound to be default.

So whenever you try to discuss politics stop… and take a broader view and do not panic.

Revelations

2010-02-05T01:36:00.003Z

The aim of this post is to explain you John how i scored all the questions of your facebook quiz.

1- The first question was a given. I know you for too many years not to know the answer.

2- The second one..Well, i confess i did go back and forward on this one. First, i chose you but then i got confused once you've showed us you are not as idiotic as you may seem.but then Jack told me to follow my instinct [apparently girls have this sixth powerful sense]. And so I did. [when it comes to decide whatever i trust Jack more than myself.Yes, it's pathetic, but yet truth!]

3-Oh the island question. I have to thank Lost show for this one. You've told me once , to shut me up,i guess, that all island questions were stupid because "why the hell would i be on a desert island".

4-Seriously?? How many times have I heard this from you!

5-Obvious one! Considering your attitude towards me answering the quiz. This one actually made me very aware that you would try to make my own mind play trick on me!!

6-People. The three of us have had so many talks about you and how you feel about people! give me some credit!

7-Total luck. I bet on the only one I didn't recognize because I know you can be mean! [remember buzz?? I surely do!]

8-We had been discussing this matter the day before I took the quiz so...

9-I did say Gay but then Jack told me "WHat??" and then i chose stupid because..well, Jack was out of question, and so was Gay..i went for the first one because you say it all the time to describe all different types of things, including Jack.[and myself]

And that's how it was done!

Chapter 2- Waiting room

2010-02-04T22:53:00.002Z

"Through me you enter the woeful city,

Through me you enter the eternal grief,

Through me you enter among the lost,

Justice moved my high maker:

The divine power made me,

The supreme wisdom and primal love.

Before me nothing was created

If not eternal, and eternal I endure

Abandon every hope, you who enter"

I must have read it a thousand times, and in several languages, and when someone asked what did it mean, I replied alike Virgil did to Dante:

"Here must all fear be left behind;

Here let all cowardice be dead.

We have come to the place that I told you,

You will see the wretched people,

Who have lost the good of intellect."

The weak-end went and so did Monday's morning, I was anxious, so anxious that fear did not have space in my heart… Although the waiting for results gave me, time to think, a lot of time to think… Time seemed to stop as my mind travel through all possible rational paths, all the future judgment I'd face and the sacrifices I would have to make.

Half an hour into my thoughts and I scared the crape out of myself. I was shivering, and walking the room from side to side… Jack and DeWinter, marveled such impatience and stress, they repeatedly advised me to calm down, to sit and let my heart steady itself.

"Please, calm yourself down. Or we'll have to be here for a sonography and a heart transplant." Joked Jack as he tried to make me take a sit "Now then, sit here I'll fetch something for you to drink to calm you down."

DeWinter then asked me "How scared are you?"

"Very Scared, I think this is the most scared I've ever been in my entire life"

"Then why keep up this futile promise of yours, you have more to lose by keeping this, than from backing out. You're an economist you do the math!"

"You're right, I have a lot to lose if I come through to my ideals, and comply with the promise I made as a younger man. I also know that society won't blame me for backing down, after all it's not my child and I don't have any emotional attachment with her. But it's just about me; this is about life, and preserving it. I'm against the death penalty no matter how horrific or misguided were the deeds, why should I condemn someone who with no deeds at all to face a penalty that not even Satan would face?"

"But it's her decision, not yours."

"Once more you're right, but I'm not forcing her into anything, well maybe I did, but to give her another option instead off choosing abortion, and save her from any consequence… In life you have to face the consequences of your acts, and not give them to someone else. Otherwise you're building an individualistic and selfish society… Thank you"

"Thank you? For what?"

"You've just reminded me, why I'm doing this, and the good part of all of it. You've calmed me down, so thank you. Just don't question on nothing more otherwise I'll worry myself again."

"Ok, and you're welcome… still you should drink whatever Jack's bringing just to be sure…"

"I just hope he doesn't bring me tea…"

"Why? Tea would be great for you!"

"But I hate tea, instead of having a friend with an heart attack you'd have a vomited waiting room, and no one would like that."

Right then we could see jack walking the corridor back from, coffee shop. Clinic was the biggest in the city, and it was soon to be the only public one. With all the economic regression the government was "advised" by the EU, to make some cut backs in public debt, therefore we're having several public services closing down, clinics, hospitals, schools, police stations, then the government sells the space to some private company for them to rebuild whatever service there was. All around the country, the public services are diminishing to unity so that there's some competition and to prevent some kind of monopoly to settle in. These aren't the hardest times to be living, so I've been told. But these are the hardest I've lived in so far…

Jack joined us, bringing some sodas and sandwiches, both were welcomed with open mouths.

"Why didn't you go in with her?" Jack asked deWinter.

"She didn't want me to, she said it would be better if all of us waited here, otherwise she would stress even more."

"That's odd, but okay" Jack replied "How long more will it take, do you know?"

"No… We've been here only for fifteen minutes, since she went in, just be patient." I replied.

"She must be coming out in a minute" deWinter added.

5 minutes passed and there she was… Happy. It seemed everything was just a scare and that it was all right. We congratulated her, and she turned to me and said: "I've learned my lesson, I'll be more careful from now on, but thank you for your support."

"You're welcome" and as I said those words all the tension in my back was just released, and I felt as light as a feather…