I can only say these things to you when you're sleeping
I hear the hum from the wires and the sounds of the morning creep in
I lie awake and pretend you can hear me

And you tell me that you're scared that you're turning into your mother
I feel myself turning into my father
So we lie to eachother like they do and say we're so happy
It's easy when you're young and you still want it so badly

I turn over again and I feel my heart beating faster
I stare out the window and I think I might scream

And I could tell you that you're all I ever wanted, dear
I can utter every word you ever hoped to hear
I shudder when I think I might not be here forever, forever, forever

The time we were alone together at the station
You were so quiet like a child and you told me you want to be taken
Just never thought of you as the kind of girl that would do that
And you suddenly seem like some faceless thing in my grasp

And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find it exciting
Your eyes all wet, your face so warm and inviting

And I could tell you that you're all I've ever wanted, dear
I can utter every word you've ever hoped to hear
I shudder when I think that I might not be here forever, forever, forever

I can tell you that I'm always gonna love you like the virgin bride you were that night
But I'd be lying
Love is defying

All I can think is that it must be a kind of rebellion
To own these fears like soldiers and slay them

I could tell you that you're all I've ever wanted, dear
Through the day while you're breathing, while you're sleeping here
And you wake and you ask me if I'm gonna be here forever, forever, forever

Your face so twisted and your eyes alight
I want to tell you I could save you when you cry at night
But I'll be trying
Love is defying
Won't you stop crying?

We're so fucked, aren't we?

Not to know

For sure, one of the best decisions i've ever made!!

I've always been told ignorance is bless, what i didn't know is that it is still so even if it's just an act.
I've been told the great feeling turns out to be just good. But short term wise, it's pretty amazing!!

The next perfect dinner YeT!!

Isn't just great when you're able to have dinner with twenty people and you manage only to talk with those who really matter??
Well, i loved iT!!

Under Pressure

I'm feeling the pressure of setting the bar too high. 

It's this weird sense of false responsibility, of constant need to work, of constant need to feel productive. It's this need to restrain myself. 

From living.

Time is going by too fast, and between work and school, and between everything that's coming in the way, I'm loosing grip of us. 

Extreme measures are on the way because I can't let that happen. Not now. Not you. 

Color Boxes - Part 3

I'm sure you've heard of something called sinestesia. It's this thing you have where you mix all your senses, you hear colors, see tastes and somethings like that.
I always felt a little bit of this, if you can call it that. For me, Thurdays are yellow. And I don't know why...
What I came to realise is that, quite often, there's a color that I associate with other things.

All this to say that you're blue. That Bleu de France, soft blue of the shirt you wore the night I met you.

memory : unfinished sentence

I stood my boys up. Guilty has charged.
Never not caring, they showed up at my door. iT was a typical us.
I start to explain why i hadn't met them "i'm going ho.."

hard

someone told me it was hard. Still, we have to learn to let somethings go.
She wasn't wrong, but even harder is to know when NOT to let those things go.

another one

In two days, the world won't stop turning just because another chapter of this book is going to start. It should, but it won't.

This chapter, the forth, is about so much thing. i'm scared.

The one thing i want the most is, at the end of it, to be able to say "i want the next one to be as good as i made this one." I most certainly won't but still.