Murder is easier to spell then suicide

There was a man sitting on the yellow dry grass, watching everyone just moving around him. He could only wonder what it would be like if some forces were bigger than they are. "What if with only one hand a man could move a mountain, bring the valley up, or silence a powerful volcano?", the man wondered. But as he builds his net of thought around the prospects of a different world, something buzzed him.

"The world could change a thousand times," thought the man"but no matter how it would change, I would always be left to my ideas and thoughts, because even then, or there, I would be miserable." The man got himself so enraged, red was the only visible color.

And in this twist of raging emotion the man, rapidly… STUD UP! And Screamed "PAIN!" and it all went away, he then shouted "sadness!" and it disappeared. He was now a lighter man, this act of self honesty, somehow, freed him from the shackles of time.

He took a breath, and it felt different, and maybe better… definitely better. So much better, he smiled and was happy, so happy.

The man decided to do something now, leave the yellow dry grass and find himself a green pasture where he could culture this new found happiness. While walking away from the place that had set him free the man thought of the brighter future he could now have, the wonder full things he could do and…

And then… he was shot.

 

20 years after my heart was a sphere

I think doctors got it all wrong…
They keep saying the heart is this fist-shaped, 300 grams weighting, constantly beating thing, and that is just not right. Hearts are spheres! At least mine is. My heart is a sphere, or it was when I was born. Now I’m not sure.

Let me explain you why my heart isn’t a sphere anymore.
I was born 7305 days ago. Some days earlier than I was supposed to. I remember feeling the world couldn’t go on without me, and so I kicked my way out. My heart was a sphere back then. A small one, like a ping pong ball. Spheres are perfect, and so when you’re born your heart is perfectly shaped. Everything that happened to me since somehow got into my heart through this hole it has, that I will call The Hole Through Which Things Entered, for now. Now it’s the size of a tennis ball. “It didn’t grow that much” you could say. And you would be right. But it has a lot of new things in it.

I was looking at it the other night. I found some friends in there, next to a can of condensed milk. There were a couple of physics formulae, and a lot of particles flying around. Somehow, there was a horse in there, which I recognized to be the horse that almost killed me and that I saved from dehydration. I saw a road mark where it said “Injustice” and another one with “Freedom”. There was my family too. Kind of hidden in one corner was a strange thing: it looked like it had been ripped, teared apart, and it was still healing. It had the letters ‘L’ and part of what I think was an ‘O’. I knew exactly what it was.
So in there was everything, everything I believed, everything I hated, everything I knew, everyone who was important to me. In my heart was my whole life.

Now I can begin to explain you why my heart isn’t a sphere anymore.
You see, the Hole Through Which Things Entered is a one way passage. Things are supposed to get in and not out. When something gets out of my heart, it hurts. Imagine the tennis ball, it’s like you pulled the little strings of felt just a little bit, without breaking them, just pulling them out. In my 175320 hours of life, many things got out of my heart. Some I pushed out myself because I couldn’t live with them, some took entire bits of Heart Thing (the thing that makes the heart) with them when they left. You wish it wouldn’t happen, that at least good things would stay in there forever, but that’s not how the world works. What always stays there are memories. Memories of good things. And you can live just on memories for a while; they have a supply of happiness that lasts a while, kind of like a battery. But eventually it runs out. To be happy you have to struggle to find new memories, not to take place of old ones, but to complement them.

I lost my heart once.
Just like that, it went away. I thought someone had stolen it, so I went to the police, but they couldn’t find who it was. I kept living without my heart for a few weeks. It wasn’t really living since I had no heart, but I kept going somehow. A month or two later, I found my heart in the floor. I put it back in my chest. But it was broken, it didn’t work. Someone had taken the ‘VE’ that was there before; someone burned a piece of it, cut a piece of it and broke a piece of it. It was not the same heart anymore.
I put a bandage in it and the doctor gave me some pills. My friends told me it would be all right, it would heal and start beating again. It might just take time. And they were right, it did take time, but it healed. It got different, it wasn’t the same anymore, but it was beating! In fact, it was stronger now, bigger. I had a better heart now. I learned so much from losing my heart. I learned that I can’t like things without it, and I can’t really feel them. To lose my heart made me realize how important it is to feel, to connect with something in the deepest of levels, to really love something. My life is what it is now because… wait… my life is worth it because I have loved. As simple as that.

So that’s it. Everything that happened to me, within these 631152000 seconds I’ve walked the Earth, did something to my sphere-shaped heart. Some things more than others, but they all did. They molded it, shaped it, broke it and glued it back together. What I learned?

• Your heart is stronger than you might think at first, and it will always heal, if you give it time.

• Sometimes it’s hard when your heart wants something but the rest of your body’s fighting it away.

And the most important law of Heart Science: little road marks that say “LOVE” tend to appear now and then. These road marks tend to get bigger if we nurture them. The perseverance of these marks is a sufficient condition to happiness.

Twenty years ago, my heart was a sphere. Now it isn’t anymore. Want to know what happened?

Life happened.

BANG BANG IUPII SONG

When you spend hours of your day programming, which is a very frustrating kind of work, you need to found motivation to keep going..

The past few days, i've sang this music a lot!! Everytime i or my co-workers would find a bug, we'd go Bang Bang, Bangitty bang...

YouTube Stuff

It made me laugh..What about you?

...

I think I've posted this video recently, but I'm not in the mood to search it...

Baby look at me
And tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time I'll make you forget the rest

I got more in me
And you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hands
Don't you know who I am?

Do you know that 'rule' of not getting yourself between a girl and her boyfriend? Well... Is that debatable? Just this time, please?? :P

CrappyMusicMoment

Genius!

This deserves to be read (2)

Train - Hey, soul sister

Heeey heeeey heeeeey

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moon beam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Heeey heeeey heeeey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Well you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)

Living in regret

My shelves are full of memories, from happy times to less happy times, from reality and from fantasy, from glory and romance to crime and punishment. I feel old for having so many things to remember…

To me the expression "going on a journey through memory lane" seems to cut it too "short". I always feel like my life was so filled, but now is just a disappointing wreckage of the speeding cart it once was. More than I can possible count I hoped for never land, my kingdom of fantasy, where I would restore forever in my youth, dreaming playing and finding an adventure somewhere behind a mountain, beneath the ocean; over the sky, and beyond the canyon. Huff… But none of that's possible…

"CARPE DIEM!!" I hear loud and clear from people of interest, "death does not take a breather just because you when in a trip via memory auto way". But no matter how true it is that doesn't change the fact I wish I was innocent like I was once, to the time where going to class did not felt like pulling a gun to my brain and shoot every twenty seconds, when boredom wasn't even a known word and if we felt like something wasn't fun, we would get up and run around it making it more like we wanted, and specially, when masturbation was not just and end of the day pain killer.

This seems like a middle aged man is writing his crisis for everyone to read, which would be true if I'm dated to meet death when I complete 40.

But I shouldn't be here just ranting about my social awkwardness problems, that wouldn't be fair to those who actually think this is lecture like economic blog.

So here it is for the world.

My country has an expiration date much more short than my own.

Germany think that everyone has already forgot about what happened with their third Reich, and want to re-gain the "most hateful country" title by refusing to help Greece.

USA… it's pointless to rant about them nothing that I say will even scratch the surface.

Asia is paradise for any business.

Africa wants' to be a colony of the highest bidder.

And the rest? They'll burn or up out this whole mess.

But hey we have to give a big round of applause, to the socialist policies that just keep on adding gasoline to this bun fire.

See you all

JSKofL

P.S.: some more words before I leave… facebook, twitter, myspace this would be pretty good ideas in a perfect world, but to me they just a frustration mechanism that leaves me sitting in infront the computer saying "What the Fuck" "fuck you" while I point my middle finger towards the non functional webcam

"Esta é a madrugada que ele esperava, o dia inicial inteiro e limpo, onde emergimos da noite e do silêncio e livres habitamos a substância do tempo."

Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen

What is money?

It's said too many times that Money doesn't bring happiness, later someone added, but it helps.

And it is true. Yet we adore this "money", some do even pray for it, but what is it really? Can you eat it? No! Can you wear it? No! Does it shelter you? No! Does it keep you warm? No! Does it come to your house at night tapping your knees and ask you if you lost weight? No!

So why do we adore it so much? Because it helps.

We all have a big adoration for this "money", some have even said that it is the work of the devil, others that it is a miracle, some find this money through the years, others from day to night, and there are those that live without it at all.

€ 20, 500$, £1000, 20000¥? What is this worth? Trade.

In all the adoration and the continuous exploitation of this "money" and the trade it provides, or if you wish, the help it gives. Hides the truest fact about it.

It's only paper!

Maybe not "only" but it is paper, a nice paper that we so much love, but it's really not very different form the paper I use to wipe my ass clean every day. If I may say the only difference between the two is that when with shit on it, the first one, we pick it up.

This isn't a rebellious post, because I know and acknowledge the great importance of "money" in our society, and I can't imagine the chaos we would live in if it just disappeared. But I also think that if an extraterrestrial life form came to us would be shocked with the paranoia money brings to our lives.

We study it, we record it, and we measure the behavior of it, but if anyone did this to another human being, in two seconds he would be tagged as a stoker and banned from society. But with money, it's just a study…

We're all mad, that I've figured out… but it could be worst.

John Scar Kramer of Lioncourt

Bolero, the dance of life

Please start the music.






It start's soft and simple, like a baby giving its first steps, a easy set of moves one foot then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

And then it grows, and the baby gather's strength and speech to its abilities, but it always goes in the same rhythm, one year then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

Still it grows, adding knowledge to the speech and movement, strengthening itself the young one, grows now in friends and family, in the same rhythm one member more then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

It reaches perfection, the world looks at him has an example, a motto, a role model, a hero. Taking one challenge and then the other, one and then the other, one the other, one the other…

And then it goes over his head, falls to the grown and dies…

Just like in life, we reach perfection and then we fall.

(i know this is a small post for such a long music but please listen to it until the end, it will be good for you)
John Scar Kramer

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

Lost whore

I lost my whore…

If you feel in anyway capable of locating her for me, please do, for I've spent too much time sitting in front of my computer waiting for her to appear and give me some idiotic story to write about.

If you are in anyway offended because I'm calling someone or something a whore, I suggest that you think about how offended must I feel, to buy a mercenary to tell she loves me… to tell me I'm such a good friend, a good person, a good lover…

… I'm going against society code of ethics and rules, because society as excluded me. I was found to be under society standards, in order to be a part of it, and because help only goes to those in "need", I was thrown out like the bag of trash they think I am.

Only in society can you find love, everywhere else you'll have to make do with whores, pimps and loneliness.

If you, reading this think that this is nothing more than an encrypted message to some people, you're right.

But anyway, I miss my whore.

If you find her please advise me,

I want peace

Bring me to a peaceful life, that's my wish. I shouldn't rest my thoughts just in prayer, I know that, and even acknowledge that life's meaning doesn't come in wimps and wamps, it needs to be worked and it needs to be… to be… something more. Something that I still don't know what it is, and why should I?

Why should I know, what more is there to life, when I come to you whishing for peace.

Maybe that is it. Work and ignorance. Doing something without knowing what it is or what is it for… Almost poetic.

Life, a lyrical text without form or real object. How Grand!

"Mother! You gave me LIFE and asked me just to give it meaning, but I don't know!"

I just want peace